Damnsle Inthis-Dress

poety, rants, and self-loathing self-acceptance...what could be more fun difficult annoying ridiculous outrageous?

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Location: NW OH

Je pense, donc je doute. Je suis. Je pense.

Monday, April 09, 2007

I really need a new job...

Why is it that old ladies feel the need to wear so much perfume that you can smell them as soon as they walk into the building, no matter which floor you're on at the time?

I work with several dear old souls who have either had their nasal passages cauterized or are so desperately afraid of dying without anyone noticing that they judge their continued existence by the various violent reactions of people encountering their semi-solid wall of personal smog.

Or...

They are just trying to kill me. My god, these women reek.

Supporting the theory of homicidal intent is the fact that they all wear different scents. I use the word "scent" along the same lines of a skunk's "scent".

Different, competing, cloying and harsh, incense-tuous and overwhelming (one of them has overtones of rancid Palmolive) I swear to god the air becomes unbreathable for all the various gases these women exude voluntarily. Sometimes I have to wield a pomander of rosemary, frankincense and cloves to combat the plague of their combined assault on my olfactory sense.

And to make matters worse, they have more than one perfume each. Everyday it is a different evil concoction of aromas, so it's nothing I could possibly become accustomed or immune to. They all wear at least 864 various and equally appalling fragrances, and I swear to god they do it on purpose. I'm not sure what that purpose is, but I'm sure it's evil and has something to do with the fact that I still have lots of sex and they don't.

Dudes, seriously. They stink.

6 Comments:

Blogger josh williams said...

I call them honey badgers. Kinda which is along the lines of a skunk when it comes to defense except a Honey Badger is from Africa and it has a gland near its anal glands? I think I have it right, but from what I hear if you piss off a Honey Badger its scent is going to rock your world! Good luck with the Honey Badgers. JW

10/4/07 20:28  
Blogger SleekPelt said...

I have a window in my office that used to look out onto a pretty hillside and now it looks out on the new Super Wal-Mart across the way. For the months while it was under construction, a lady in my office awaited "opening day" with anticipation. She's a bargain hunter, apparently at the cost of her very soul. Seriously, I think she may have camped out the night before.

I knew when opening day had finally come because I could smell her Wal-Mart special from three offices away. And they think CDs that drop F bombs are offensive?

14/4/07 13:34  
Blogger josh williams said...

Whatever happened to good ole McDougal?

17/4/07 22:25  
Blogger damnsle said...

I may have sent him into a coma by accident. I sent a pic...

19/4/07 22:33  
Blogger damnsle said...

sleekpelt: fuck the F bomb.

19/4/07 23:12  
Blogger SleekPelt said...

Damnsle, swearing on your blog would be like singing on Pavarotti's stage -- I just leave it up to the experts.

20/4/07 09:09  

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