Vegetarianism and Euthanasia

I'm pretty much a half hearted vegetarian because it's mostly for health reasons. Half of my family has died of heart disease and cancer, so I try to stay away from most meats. Plus, I actually just prefer veggies: given the choice between a meat lovers and a veggie lovers pizza, I’ll always go for the veggie pizza. It just tastes better to me. Although there are times I wish I could keep a cow tied up in the back yard so I could go out and gnaw on it whenever I get hungry. I think that may be hormonal. And I love the stinky cheeses. So like I said, it’s all half hearted.

I’m not opposed to eating meat, nor am I any kind of rabid PETA freak. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m for cruelty to animals. I abhor the whole idea of sport hunting, and using animals to test for land mines and shit like that. But if I could, I would love to parade up and down in front of the PETA headquarters wearing a full length mink coat with badgers on my feet and a live wombat on my head, just to annoy them. The PETA people, not the badgers and the wombat. The whole PETA cult seems to be populated by wildly and obnoxiously self righteous idiots.

Ironically, that last part is used to describe me by a lot of my friends as well: wildly obnoxious self righteous idiot. It’s how I know they love me.

I had a conversation about pets (with subliminal subtext about animal rights) with my sister once that was surreal and superficial all at the same time. She was telling me about some program where skanktastic socialites take their dogs to this woman who says she’s a pet psychologist or psychic or some such shit. Well, this one vacuous excuse of a human woman brought her dog in and the pet psychic told her that the dog wanted to be put down. After my sister relayed that particular bit of information, I just stared at her mouth agape, and thought, “Holy shit, that poor dog must really loathe that anorexic little twit! Maybe she uses it to purge or something, and that’s why it's begging for euthanasia!”

My sister looked at me confused because I looked so shocked that the psychic was telling the twit her dog was suicidal. Until, to clarify, I explained what the term “to be put down” meant when used in reference to animals. Generally.

Turns out the anorexic little twit was carrying the dog around all the time and the psychic was just saying that the dog wanted to be put down on the ground once in awhile.

It was funny. We laughed. Then she called me a wildly obnoxious self righteous idiot.

Good times.