Damnsle Inthis-Dress

poety, rants, and self-loathing self-acceptance...what could be more fun difficult annoying ridiculous outrageous?

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Location: NW OH

Je pense, donc je doute. Je suis. Je pense.

Monday, November 28, 2005

I feel very fat today...

Control

I want to be eaten by wolves
With jaws slavering foam
And eyes red-rimmed with stars and love.
Or bears, moss covered and rough furred
With clean slashing claws and tender savage hunger -
Rending my flesh with purpose.
Or monsters from the darkness,
Cheerful and insane with death addled dreams,
Whispering endearments of blood
And warmth.
But the only monsters I have
Are the monsters inside me:
Chromosomes and genes
Dancing in eternal mockery.
Twisting my body and my mind to match their frenzy,
Holding me hostage to parentage,
Helpless and hopeless,
In holy hatred of what I am –
Who I am.
I can feel the corpse I’m encapsulated in
Plotting each fleet footed moment:
Gaining strength to pull me down
And bury me in ignominious defeat.
I want to die with teeth in my throat
And claws eviscerating me gracefully.
But I know how I will die…
Stunned, with only a shocked and soft
“oh.”

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