KY

Okay, seriously, am I the only one who thinks of Kentucky as the slippery state?

American...meh

I did something tonight that I have never done before. No, it had nothing to do with a goat, although that is still on my list.

I tuned my television to Fox, and American Idol...on purpose!!!! I've only ever seen the show two or three times before, never in it's entirety, at my sister's house. She loves this shit. And she's a remarkably intelligent woman. I don't get it.

I tried to keep my snark in, inasmuch as is possible considering the circumstances, but one thing kept reoccurring to me: This was filmed before the writers strike. Is it possible (radical as this thought is), that some of the auditioners are actually actors, hired by the producers and given lines to preform (I'm thinking of the stalky guy in particular) in order to make it "interesting"?

Undoubtedly true as that is, it still doesn't work for me. Even with scripts and professional actors, this show sucks.

The real reason I tuned in is that I read on Hecklerspray that American Idol is less about singing talent and more about watching Paula Abdul's slow and amusing descent into insanity. Screw shrieky, superficial singing, I want to watch a famous person be stupid! I was extremely disappointed, therefore, that she didn't even seem to be drunk. She didn't cry once, dammit!

I am an American! I want to see another person wallow in painful and personal hell! That's what we do! Apparently. Woo!

Brains - I think mine was from Abby Normal

I find that my brain is a very strange entity. It jabbers at me all the time, hounding with me idiotic observations and non sequiturs (the other day I was in the shower and all of a sudden my brain said to me "James Fenimore Cooper!" I had no clue who he was. I was thinking maybe a president from another century. I looked him up once I got to work. Turns out he wrote a bunch of books that I've heard of but never read. My search on him did lead me to a rather scathing and funny essay about him by Mark Twain, though, so that was cool) and I normally have to have music playing all the time just to keep my brain from repeating one line from the last song I heard over and over again - I'm pathetically prone to earworms. I think iPods are one of the best things ever - I can have music everywhere! All the time! And it has the added benefit of keeping me from having to participate in those annoying casual social niceties that we all come across in day to day life (I particularly enjoyed pretending that I couldn't hear the various charity collectors during the holidays; I couldn't hear them so therefore they ceased to exist).

But the really annoying thing about my brain is that it gives me the most wonderful stories and ideas and fantastical images, and then when I sit down to write it all out, to build it into an actual living world...that's when it shuts up, creeps off into a corner, and snickers quietly to itself. I've tried to beat it into submission with wine and various reality altering substances but it seems immune to my machinations.

How the hell do I get my brain to behave and do what I want it to, when I want it to?